Santa's Confession: Why I Quit Years Ago :
(c) John M. Hanevy
Freely distributable with resource box and clickable link.

Recently there have been rumours flying around that Santa is a woman.
I've tried to keep my retirement a secret, but since the "cats out of the bag" now,
I can tell you that I quit delivering toys on Christmas Eve years ago- -here's why :

* Cookies and Milk for a snack? No, I don't think so!
Beer and Pretzels more like it!

* Donner and Blitzen? What kind of sissy names are those?
Vixen has a nice ring to it though...

*Reindeer and sleigh? Where's the V8? Where's the turbocharger?
Santa needs POWER!

*Have YOU ever driven in a blinding snowstorm with no windshield?

*I can't even touch my toes and you expect me to slide down a chimney?

*Hey, Mrs. Claus does the "dirty work", I supervise!
(shhh...don't tell her I said that!)

*Body stockings--yes! Christmas stockings? I don't get it.

*My pocketbook isn't large enough for all the gifts--Mrs. Claus usually has room to spare!

*Got tired of dealing with those d*** elves!

*Too much paperwork--can't burn those letters fast enough!

*Homeland security making job too difficult--too many inspections.

*Tired of being labeled as a pervert for watching children while they're sleeping.

*Can't keep up with all the zoning and flight permit regulations.

*Flight and Accident insurance rates are getting too high.

*Hazardous working conditions--nobody shovels their roofs!